I smite thee! ...The Diary of Nod

Hmmm...Easter Bunny tastes like chicken.

Easter is here, a time when we lie to our children that a giant bunny comes around and leaves candied eggs for them. Who the fuck got the idea that the Easter bunny would give out eggs? I don't see cows humping one another like Britney Spears after a round of Jaeger.

Easter is the day our lord was resurrected. Unless you're Jewish, when it's yet another motherfucker that wouldn't stay dead. Maybe you cheap bastards should have given up on the tree and nails and invested in a gas chamber. I've got nothing against Jews, I just wished they'd shut the fuck up about being persecuted. When was the last time the LA cops used a Jew as a punching bag? There are sixteen Jews in this country and they have forty percent of the wealth. Yeah, poor fucking you.

I love how holidays become completely separated from their original meaning. Santa Claus on Christmas, the Easter Bunny, the Kwanza thieving spook. Kwanzaa comes from a Swahili phrase 'matunda ya kwanza', meaning "first fruits". They added the last 'a' to prove niggers can exploit people too. This was a holiday made up in the 60's by a professor at California State University. No one in Africa celebrates Kwanzaa. They're not taking cues from some self-professed asshole in California who invents his own religion. L. Ron Hubbard did that and we called it a cult. This guy does it and everyone soaks it up like he got nailed on a cross for preaching peace and love. Maybe if Doctor King founded Kwanzaa I'd be less cynical.

So Easter comes around and for three days Christians pretend for their families that they're interested. It's like Christmas but no one gets any presents and you're celebrating an innocent man getting executed. Pass the potato salad. What a fucked up holiday; this ranks right below molesting my sister on the cheeriness scale. And if you've ever lived in Mississippi, you know that molestation puts a knot in your stomach. How enlightened we've become; more people are executed in the state of Texas than graduate high school. Florida isn't happy enough executing criminals that they've begun starving patients also. Some vegetable in Florida gets her own fucking federal bill and I'm paying $2.05 for a gallon of gas? I thought this was Easter, not Christmas. The only people that could keep her alive are the Florida legislature and they passed. I don't think we should be surprised, they were elected by morons who couldn't figure out a butterfly ballot.

It's storming outside. Perhaps it's a sign from God he doesn't like me pissing on the anniversary of his son's execution. Happy Easter.

posted by Lachlan @ 3:06 AM